You installed how many garbage disposals?

David called on his way to a client’s house. “Well, I finally did something I always thought I’d screw up. Every time I think, Hey, don’t forget to do this stupid thing you’re going to forget to do. How many garbage disposals have I installed? About {large number which shall remain undisclosed}? Yeah, that’s right, about the same number of women I’ve slept with.”

This is how I found out the Previous Number of Partners. We haven’t really been interested in discussing the numbers in the last four-plus years.

It was actually pretty funny, since he just kept going about how he apparently forgot to remove an inlet plug and the client called to say the recently-installed disposal wasn’t working, and of course I was at work at the time, which prompted all the guys in our trailer to start discussing this way of relating previous partners to appliance installations, does he give discounts, etc. Meanwhile I was listening to our CEO’s voicemail about quarterly earnings, which I had to replay since all this discussion kept interrupting.

When I told Nicole later, she admitted she had only installed one garbage disposal and forgot to remove the inlet plug too. I thought this was a sweet euphemistic commitment to her husband, to which she replied, Oh puke.


Update on the Six Pound Challenge: It’s still six to go but in a lot less than six weeks since I regained a couple pounds! Oops.

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