Go, Speed Bleeder, Go!

I gave blood tonight in my hand-me-down Speed Racer shirt (funny how last year’s entry also focused on the outfit), the third time being the charm after failing the iron requirement twice in the last few weeks. I’m at 39% hematocrit now, baby! A couple of vitamins and a couple extra weeks must be the ticket for me. It really was Speed Bleeding because I think I set a personal record with my six-minute pint time. This is much better than the time they kicked me out after half an hour having not produced enough blood in the bag.

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Want to save three lives and maybe win a gift card or a resort stay in Florida? You can enter Manic Mommy’s contest too! Just give blood by the 28th and get your picture doing it.


In other scintillating news (would you believe we get to use a variant of that word a lot at work), Casper came home all dopey from the groomer with a bandanna AND a bow.
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And, showing off my new haircut and the cool sweater my mom made me (twice), we have this not particularly flattering picture of my apparently thick midsection (I swear it’s not).
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Your lights are on, but you’re not home

Too busy to write lately, but during an email cleanout I found this and thought I’d share. I just got a promotion so I hope no one said any of these on my evaluation!

Performance Evaluations

In case you run out of ideas for evaluating your colleagues, you can use these. These are quotes from federal government employee performance evaluations.

1. “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig.”
2. “I would not allow this employee to breed.”
3. “This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be.”
4. “Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
5. “When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.”
6. “This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”
7. “He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”
8. “This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”
9. “This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better.”
10. “Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.”
11. “A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”
12. “He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.”
13. “The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.”
14. “I would like to go hunting with him sometime.”
15. “He’s been working with glue too much.”
16. “He would argue with a signpost.”
17. “He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”
18. “When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”
19. “If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”
20. “A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”
21. “A prime candidate for natural de-selection.”
22. “Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.”
23. “Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”
24. “He’s got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.”
25. “If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”
26. “If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”
27. “If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”
28. “It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.”
29. “One neuron short of a synapse.”
30. “Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.”
31. “Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes.”

Go pee at home

I joined Facebook a month ago and have unearthed over 100 people I know, most of whom I haven’t seen in forever. I never realized I knew so many people. It’s been fun to catch up with old camp and boarding school friends. A few friend requests, however, have come to my inbox with me wondering who the people are. I generally figure it out but this one stumped me, so I asked my brother. I didn’t recognize her picture but she had a similar first name to a friend I did have in our neighborhood and would like to chat with again. Many last names have changed with marriage so I have to think hard about these folks sometimes. Note: I changed the friend names for this entry.

Email from Facebook:
Sally Martin added you as a friend on Facebook. We need to confirm that you know Sally in order for you to be friends on Facebook.

Sally says, “Hi Amy, I used to live in Bercliff. My parents still do. I used to ride bikes with your little brother Matt, and i went to Adams.”.

Amy emails Matt:
Do you know who this is? I don’t think it’s Ms. Barton…

Matt replies:
Yeah, it’s Sally Crump. They lived on Wildemere and had the dog with the ridiculously “original” name Blackie. She sent me a friend request as well. I didn’t approve it because I don’t like approving people I don’t really know and/or don’t want to know any better.

I have a list of friend requests out the wazoo that I don’t approve because they were people that I went to high school with, but never spoke to, etc.

Besides, Sally Crump and her younger sister used to knock on our door twice a week to ask me to go bike riding, but I thought they were creepy so I always made an excuse. Then one day they started asking to use our bathroom after I turned them down for a bike ride (presumably to get a look inside our house. I mean, seriously, their house was only 2 blocks away.) That made Dad really mad and after about the third bathroom excursion he told me to tell them to… and I quote.. “Go pee at home.”

Anyway, I have no interest in being “friends” (Facebook or otherwise) with people I don’t intend to fraternize with. To me it’s just another version of “peeing in my house” for Sally Crump because I’m probably not going to talk to her on Facebook, but she’ll be able to see everything I write and look at pictures of me and stuff. She can “pee” on her other Facebook friends, but not me! 🙂

Heck, you’re lucky I approved you as a friend on Facebook!

-Matt

Attention life-savers and people sick of winter:

It’s the return of Manic Mommy’s Virtual Blog Blood Drive! Click here for details. The basics: donate blood from Jan 1 to Feb 28, 2009, get your picture taken while donating, and send the pic to Manic Mommy to enter the contest! It doesn’t matter where you live, just go to your local blood bank or blood drive and get your picture taken. First prize is a week at a Florida resort, and there are gift cards and stuff too. I won last year though it wasn’t a big enough contest at that point to give away a vacation!

A couple notes for those of you who have been rejected for low iron: I learned that ‘normal’ hematocrit is 35-45% but (at least around here) the blood bank requires at least 38% to be eligible to donate. They test this by a simple finger prick. Your iron level can fluctuate a lot so if you just supplement/focus your diet a bit before you go, or do that if you get rejected and then you can even go back the next day to try again, you may just be eligible after all! I also learned that 75% of people are able to get back to this iron level in the eight weeks required between donations and it’s harder for women than men, so you might need to focus your diet/wait just a bit longer if you have recently donated. Just because you’ve been rejected before does not mean you will be if you try again!

In central Indiana, you can even schedule appointments online, get points and prizes, and track your donations and cholesterol over time. I just signed up last week and the system knew my last 1.5 gallons and cholesterol readings from the last few years. Of course you can do walk-in donations too! Check out DonorPoint.org.

Some other upcoming events I’m considering: Komen Race for the Cure for my friend Dawn’s mom, April 18 (run, walk, or donate), and cycling around the Indianapolis Motor Speedway for Tour de Cure for diabetes, June 13. Who’s in?