Hair don’t

Permed and feathered!  Thank goodness that's over

Permed and feathered! Thank goodness that's over

My haircut: part down the middle, cut it off straight around the bottom. I use coupons to take a couple inches off at Fantastic Sam’s and places like that about twice a year to keep it from getting too annoying. The only thing ‘interesting’ about my haircut (it is not advanced enough to be a style) is that I often won’t brush it, so it might get a little messier on a given day.

I wear it in a ponytail or pulled back in a barrette (which makes it a wider, flatter ponytail) 85% of the time and in a messy bun the rest of the time. The only chance you likely have of seeing it down is when it’s not all the way dry from a shower so I haven’t put it up just yet. It’s actually several shades darker when it’s down because I have it pulled back so much that the part usually on top of my head has been sun bleached.

Normal fare: memday08

Down, the triangle:

I wash it every three days–it’s dry enough it doesn’t really need it more than that, and Day 2 is usually its ‘best’ day from a shine/oil/less volume standpoint. I use a pick to comb it then because it’s way too thick and tangled to get a brush through it wet. The following days I might brush it. Or I might not. That’s the entire routine. I think I might have used a blow dryer twice in the last year. I used a curling iron once, maybe. My favorite part about getting a haircut is that I get to pay someone else to comb it out–I hate washing and combing it that much.

It’s very thick overall but with a fine texture, which means it falls out of whatever styling I try (not that it happens often, but you’ll never get it to hold a curl without depleting the ozone layer from spray applications; I had it permed in middle school and the perm fell out the next day). My hair has a wavy section right at the middle of the back of my head but the rest is stick straight. I have identical hair to my mother (other than the color). It’s so thick that people frequently comment on it and wish for it. Should I feel guilty for not appreciating it?

Evidence of the curly stuff underneath:

I’ve pretty much had this cut for ten years. I don’t really mind it. I just don’t care. I guess others care sometimes. Grandma says I shouldn’t cut it shorter (she also says I should brush it). David just wants to see it doing something one of these days (I did pay someone to do it for my brother’s wedding, but that’s it). Nicole encourages me occasionally to get layers. Or somebody did, anyway.

I wish I could chop it pretty short. I just don’t think my head shape is right. I’ve had a short bob before, but then it’s not heavy enough to weigh down that curly part in the back so the bottom edge flips up all wacky and it’s too thick like a helmet anyway. So I keep it long enough to be mostly straight all the way around and I have to be able to pull it back.

The short bob, with Ruth Simmons:

I can’t stand it in my face, especially for sports. I also don’t really see the point of spending any time on it (this applies to my fashion choices as well): if a dude doesn’t have to style his hair or wear makeup or have clothing that varies from oxford/slacks with pockets/sensible shoes, why should I?

Of course all of this makes me look a bit granola or unfeminine or plain or whatever it is, and I still don’t care. But the implication that I should care alternately nonplusses/aggravates/insecures me. The insecurity is infrequent but darn it if I don’t feel hopeful AND angry AND sad when I watch What Not to Wear. I am the person in that show. But why in the world would I wear pointy shoes to work or get up early to use a flat iron?

See, granola wins. But I admit it would be reasonable to try a different haircut. Back in my younger and teen years I did go to the family stylist at JC Penney Salon, had highlights, permed my hair (it took after the initial one fell out). And I feathered it before school each morning and wore mint green eyeshadow. Fortunately that last phase was short lived! I have seen the light and the light shines on not doing my hair!

Hair is such a personal issue (which still stymies me to some degree), but I am willing to try a new cut after ten years. I still require being able to pull it back so I won’t have it in my face at the gym (or probably most times), but I admit the ‘dreaded triangle‘ may not be the most flattering look, just like the pulled-back version leaves something to be desired. I have a recommendation from Nicole to see her stylist (which scares me just because the salon reviews say things like “it’s so fun to go there!” “you get so pampered there!”–wth? This is far from entertaining for me, and I don’t even want to have to live up to this new hairstyle/image later!) and I made an appointment for next week. I don’t feel rich enough to maintain a professional haircut, but maybe they’ll help me find something I can do in this initial splurge. I think what encourages me most is that this woman can apparently thin my hair in addition to layers or whatever and that bodes well for being able to comb it. Does anyone in the thinning/balding category want a DNA sample to clone it? This mop is a thick mofo.

I discovered that Nicole actually has the appointment immediately before mine. I plan to blame her if this all goes poorly!

God help me, I am NOT getting my nails done.

UPDATE: Would you believe my friend Mymsie celebritized my hair? Such effort! For an example, here’s me with Jennifer Hudson hair:
She made a whole bunch of them! I appreciate her efforts because I lack the picture handling skills to post stuff like that.

9 thoughts on “Hair don’t

  1. Granola wins!!! 🙂

    Maybe if you get them to do that razorblade thing on the ends it’ll fall softer into a round as opposed to triangle bob. But heaven knows I’m not one who knows anything about haircuts and styling.

  2. Long layers are your friend, trust me. I, too, have the thick, fine, little bit of wavy version of hair (though I think yours is WAY thicker, having seen it in person), and I would also have the big triangle if I had it blunt cut. With my round face, that would be BAD. Just don’t let them talk you into bangs. Hands down worst decision I have ever made, and growing them out seems to take forever, even though the rest of my hair apparently continues to grow at a normal rate.

    I’m anxiously waiting pictures of your new do… and let me know if you like the salon. I’m looking for a new place (haven’t had my hair cut since March ’08, and the ends are starting to be a little stragglier than I’d like).

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  4. Long layers, yes! As long as you can pull everything back into a ponytail, you’re good to go. I never do a thing with my hair either, but the long layers just fall naturally and always look fine, despite my lack of brushing/drying.

  5. Although your article may initially seem only humorous, you do bring up a lot of good points about hair styles. There are still a lot of misconceptions about layers and ponytails out there – hopefully this goes a long way in clearing some of those up!

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